Life as a Lekgoa

I’ve been thinking recently about idealism.  I think Peace Corps volunteers are often labeled as ‘idealistic’, and I find this a fair assessment.  I’ve noticed it to be a common trait within Bots 10.  I think idealism is a great thing.  Hell, it’s pretty crucial to the reasoning behind many of us joining the Peace Corps.  It got us on the plane.  However, coming down from the idealism high to every day life can be pretty difficult.  I’ve seen the difficulties of that transition many times within the first few weeks of training; not only in myself, but in those around me as well.  The first week or two is always fantastic.  A new culture, a new language, new people, new food…what’s not to love?  But, inevitably that moment comes where one’s initial idealism has to succumb to pragmatism.  Somewhere along the way, we wake up from our dream. 

For me, it was a day of small annoyances.  I had spent a lot of time walking around Kanye, my new home.  I had acquired a lovely new shade of pink, and I was not feeling that great because of it.  I came home to rest, only to have my personal space invaded by my homestay family for trivial reasons.  (Before I go on, I have to clarify that my ‘personal space’ was invaded because of cultural differences, the people of Botswana don’t share our concept of personal space).  I was a little irked at this point, so I tried to call home to hear a familiar voice.  Unfortunately, communication didn’t go so well this time around.  Suddenly, I found myself irritated and not feeling well, and I was thousands of miles away from all of my normal means of coping.  I couldn’t cool off, couldn’t zone out in front of the television, and couldn’t really even go outside thanks to my sunburn.  This is when the veil was lifted and I began to think about my next two years.

I realize at this point that this writing seems negative, and I mean it to sound negative.  It was my first real challenge in Botswana.  I had to begin to come to terms with the fact that my life is changing significantly.  I can’t have all of the comforts I’m used to having every time something isn’t perfect.  I realized at this point that I needed much more than idealism to make it in the Peace Corps.  Idealistic thought can’t sustain people through hard times, so it has to come with something more.  So, at this point I had to come up with more reasons for being here beyond my ‘save the world’ mentality.  Fortunately, after a discussion with an older volunteer that has been here for a few years, I came up with something.  In many ways, I’m here for the struggles.  I want to know that I can keep on moving forward when things suck.  I want to come out on the other side of this experience not only with a greater appreciation for all the things I’ve been handed in life, but I want stronger character.  I don’t think my character will improve unless I allow myself to face challenges like those faced by a PCV.  So, I’m looking at that mildly irritating day as the first of many challenges that I’ll have to find a way to overcome.

Now, I do have to clarify something.  Just because idealism can’t sustain a volunteer through service doesn’t mean that I don’t think it doesn’t have a place here.  I actually think it serves a pretty important point.  That idealism sets a bar for us.  Very few people, if any, come for the day-to-day life of living in Africa.  It’s the big moments that draw us.  For some of us, it’ll be the breakthroughs in our work with people living with HIV/AIDS.  For others, it’ll be personal moments in our travels.  Although I’m not at a site and working yet (June 7^th can’t come soon enough!), I have had some pretty awesome moments here and there.  My homestay family is awesome, and crossing over cultural and language barriers to build relationships with people is one of the most revitalizing feelings I’ve ever felt.  Despite my ever-present cynicism, I’ve been so impressed with the friendly, good-natured, and caring people I’ve gotten to know in Kanye.  The majority of the people here will help you with anything, and for no reason whatsoever other than goodness.  I would stop here to give an example, but I’ve already written a lot, and I don’t know how to choose which of the many examples I would want to talk about. 

Beyond the people, a lot of my idealism regarding my Peace Corps service surrounds the idea of getting to know myself in one of the most untouched parts of the world.  There is something so incredible about getting caught up in nature.  I feel like it appeals to something within me that I don’t quite understand.  A few nights ago, I was out a little later than usual, and I had to walk home right as the sun set.  The walk was about an hour long, and there was a thunderstorm in the distance.  As it got dark, I couldn’t help but notice that there was very little around me other than nature.  A few lights shone in the distance, but there was little more than that.  As the thunderstorm rolled in and in began to rain, I was just kind of caught up in it all.  It was one of the highly romanticized moments I had spent a year thinking about: being caught out in the middle of nowhere with little more to experience than nature itself.  The rest of the night was quite an adventure.  It started to absolutely pour, so we caught a comvi (mini-bus) to a meeting place that was about halfway back to our section of Kanye (called the Mafhikana ward).  From there, it was a mad dash to get home, despite the fact that we were all already soaked through and through.  In the end, there was little more to this story other than being caught out in the middle of nowhere and a thunderstorm.  And yet, there was so much more to it.  At this point, I’m forced to recognize the fact that there are some things that just escape any form of articulation.  I think that’s why I’m here.

30 Seconds to Mars-Alibi

Shake Shake!!!

So I’ve been in Botswana for almost four full days and I haven’t written about it yet.  Unfortunately, the reason for that is that we are in a ‘bubble’ of sorts.  We’re staying at a place called the Big Five lodge.  It’s located in Gaberone, and it’s far from the experience I was preparing myself for.  Honestly, that has probably been a good thing.  I’ve been able to get to know my fellow trainees in a fun environment.  Don’t get me wrong, during the day we stay very busy.  We study Setswana for about 3 or 4 hours per day, and have a multitude of orientation meetings.  But, come 5’ o clock, we just spend time together.  We eat dinner together, have a few drinks, and just get to know each other.  There are also 8 current volunteers here who are currently serving.  They have been a great guiding light to ease us into the reality of being a PCV in Botswana.  I’m glad to have had this experience, because tomorrow we head out for our PST (pre-service training) in Kanye.  I feel that I have a support structure here now.  I’m hoping I still feel that way when the hard times set in.

So that sums up the last couple of days, but that’s not why I’m writing tonight.  I’m writing to share my first ‘out of the bubble’ experience.  To be fair, it wasn’t entirely ‘out of the bubble, but it was certainly far from the ordinary.  After dinner tonight, I was sitting around having a conversation with a few of the other trainees.  One of the current volunteers approached me and said “I need you to come with me”.  Although I was in the midst of a semi-heavy conversation, I got the sense that I should go with him.  So, I quickly wrapped it up and went along with the volunteer.  We met up with a group, and I noticed that there were four trainees and four volunteers.  This really excited me, as I felt like I was on the inside of some type of tradition.  We went to one of the volunteer’s rooms, and I was handed a carton of something called chikubu.  I had heard of chikubu (by another name) but never tried it.  Basically, it’s a type of beer made from water, yeast, and sorghum.  Chikubu is very popular in rural areas of Botswana.  While I was very excited to try a local brew, I think the gesture meant more.  It felt that the current volunteers were treating me as one of their own.  Beyond that, the gesture was one that was culturally significant.  Not that I would ever want to speak on behalf of current volunteers, but it seemed to me that it was a vote of confidence.  That goes a long way right now.  My confidence in myself isn’t all that low, but it isn’t all that high either.  For someone who is a seasoned volunteer with Peace Corps Botswana to make this gesture, we’ll just say it has quite an affect on me.  It makes me feel more like myself; like I can start to believe in myself in a way that I haven’t through this transition. 

Once again, this is my interpretation of the gesture.  Even if things aren’t quite like I’ve articulated them, it was quite a night.  This intercultural experience with people who have successfully integrated into Botswana’s culture makes the intimidating challenges seem much more possible.  Anyways, after the initial experience with Chibuku, we went on another adventure.  As more people joined the get together, we ran out of our supply.  Therefore, we ventured beyond the Big Five into the streets of Gaberone.  We followed along as the current volunteers used their knowledge of Setswana to converse with the locals and find a place to buy more Chibuku.  While the journey was less that epic, watching the volunteers interact with the Batswana was an encouraging experience.  They could have easily used English to find their way, but they used Setswana.  The Batswana seem to love seeing the Lekgoa (white people) speaking in Setswana.  They immediately seem to have a rapport with the locals that would be hard to come by otherwise.  Setswana may not be necessary to communicate, but I think it is vital if a volunteer ever really wants to be a true part of their community.  I’ve known this for a while, but I was lucky enough to see it enacted in front of my eyes tonight.  I hope that, at this point, you all are able to see why I wanted to write about this.  I’m very thankful for what I experienced tonight.  I was able to see that the daunting tasks before me are more than just feasible.  I was also able to feel a part of Peace Corps Botswana, even though I’ve only been here for a few days.  I’ve said it already and I’ll say it again:  a vote of confidence goes a long way.  That’s all I really have for now.  Tlhotse sentle!

Cell Phone in Bots:  76569788

The country code is +267.  If you have a phone where you can’t dial a +, replace it with 011.  So, 011-267-76569788.  I would love to hear from people if you want to call.  Calling over Skype can still be cheap!

My address during PST is:

Blake Ruble, PCV.

Peace Corps, Botswana.

Private Bag 00243

Gaberone, Botswana

Today is the day...

Well, after eight and a half months, the day is finally here.  I leave today to fly to Philadelphia, and orientation starts tomorrow.  What a process it's been; seven months of waiting and wondering, and then a month and a half of intense preparation and lots of emotional goodbyes.  Unfortunately, i'm not good at those types of things.  Transitions are very hard for me; the bigger the transition, the harder it is.  So naturally, this has been a very trying couple of weeks.  As I reflect on it, i've come to this realization: the reason that it's so hard to move on is because things have been great for me.  I had a hard time with graduation, because Wofford offered great friends, great professors, and a great education.  At the time, I was kind of jealous of people who didn't enjoy their time at Wofford, because it was so easy for them to move on.  Recently i've had similar struggles, but amplified.  I'm leaving behind great friends, great family, and a great life.  I always struggle with leaving behind the good things.

Luckily, the next part is one of my favorite parts of life.  I love new beginnings; meeting people, learning new skills, immersing myself in a new culture.  I would like to think of it as one of my strengths.  I quickly get caught up in the whirlwind of new and exciting adventures.  I honestly can't even articulate how excited I am about beginning a new stage of my life.  I think back to how much I enjoyed my first few days at Wofford, and the sense of adventure I had when I first traveled to South Africa, and I can't help but look forward to all the exciting new adventures coming my way.  It has been really hard to wrap my mind around the fact that the day has actually come.  I'm almost through with all of the goodbyes (thank god!) and i'll shortly be enjoying all of the new friends and colleagues.

So after a few emotional and anxiety-filled weeks, it's finally time to start the good part.  Next time you guys hear from me, I'll be halfway around the world in a village called Kanye.  Kanye is 45 minutes outside of Gaberone, and that's where I will be for the next few months.  People have been asking me about where to send things while i'm over there.  I would urge people to wait until the end of PST.  Things will take about a month to get to me anyways (maybe even more), so it will probably be easier to wait until I have a permanent address.  I should get my permanent address sometime near the end of May or beginning of June.

Lastly, thanks to everyone who has been supportive and encouraging over the last few weeks.  They've been very trying, and encouragement hasn't gone unappreciated.  I wish I had the time and means to say everything to everyone that I feel like I should, but unfortunately time is running short.  My flight is a just a few short hours away.  See you guys on the other side!

Blake



A song to match the moment: Festival by Sigur Ros

30 Days and Counting...

This is my first post in my Peace Corps blog, and my first blog ever.

As of today, I have 30 days until my Peace Corps experience begins.  For the last few days i've been searching for the words to describe my feelings about my upcoming Peace Corps service.  I've typically recognized my ability to articulate my feelings as one of my strong suits.  But, for once, I am at a complete loss for words.  I have no idea how to describe the things going on in my head.  I'm scared, anxious, excited, nervous, etc...

And that's just the tip of the iceberg...

The one thing I do feel that I can discuss in some measure is the fact that i'm scared.  It's really starting to sink in that most of the comforts I've had over the last twenty-two and a half years are about to vanish from my life.  For those that don't know, my placement will probably be somewhere in rural Botswana; most of the sites in my sector are.  This means I may have to live without electricity or running water.  Although, I am guaranteed a source of running water within walking distance of my home, but still...

I've never felt quite so small.  When I think of the life i've constructed thus far, I think of my loved ones, Wofford, South Carolina, and so on.  Now I have to leave all of that behind (in a sense).  I can almost feel my insecurities rising to the surface.  It's so easy to mask these things under a veneer of a social life, television, video games, music, internet, and so much more.  I may not have a single one of these in a few short months.  Essentially, I may be alone with myself.  That can be a scary thought.

In reference to these feelings, i've been thinking of the book '1984' by George Orwell.  I hate this book.  That's how I know it's good literature.  The worst type of literature is the type that leaves the reader feeling apathetic.  If a work leaves the reader with strong feelings, positive or negative, it has most likely done it's job.  I hate the book because it has a way of making the individual seem so powerless in the face of the grand scheme of things:

"It was like swimming against a current that swept you backwards however hard you struggled, and then suddenly deciding to turn round and go with the current instead of opposing it. Nothing had changed except your own attitude; the predestined thing happened in any case."

I refuse to believe that the power for great social change can't lie in the heart and soul of any one person.  However, the idea of powerlessness is more real to me now than it ever has been.  Strip away all the comforts in a person's life and place them in the middle of a crisis so great as the HIV pandemic in Africa.  It's hard to believe that one person can have any significant impact.  This thought is both my temptation and my challenge.  A temptation in the sense of it becoming a scapegoat.  'What can I actually do', I may ask myself.  A challenge in the sense of rising above the apparent magnitude of the situation.  I don't really have a neat way of tying these thoughts together.  It's just something i'm currently dwelling on...

I may succeed, or I may fail.  The bottom line is that I'm doing this.  I appreciate all of the love and support I've gotten so far.  And, even if I can't talk to everyone as much as I would like, never make the mistake of thinking that any encouragement goes unnoticed.  It is very much appreciated.

I'm not sure how this will go down once I get to my site.  I may have regular access to the internet, or I could be 10 hours away from the closest internet access/cell phone coverage.  Let's hope the latter isn't the case, but I will have to play the hand i'm dealt...

Enough babbling for now.  Thanks for reading.