Life as a Lekgoa

I’ve been thinking recently about idealism.  I think Peace Corps volunteers are often labeled as ‘idealistic’, and I find this a fair assessment.  I’ve noticed it to be a common trait within Bots 10.  I think idealism is a great thing.  Hell, it’s pretty crucial to the reasoning behind many of us joining the Peace Corps.  It got us on the plane.  However, coming down from the idealism high to every day life can be pretty difficult.  I’ve seen the difficulties of that transition many times within the first few weeks of training; not only in myself, but in those around me as well.  The first week or two is always fantastic.  A new culture, a new language, new people, new food…what’s not to love?  But, inevitably that moment comes where one’s initial idealism has to succumb to pragmatism.  Somewhere along the way, we wake up from our dream. 

For me, it was a day of small annoyances.  I had spent a lot of time walking around Kanye, my new home.  I had acquired a lovely new shade of pink, and I was not feeling that great because of it.  I came home to rest, only to have my personal space invaded by my homestay family for trivial reasons.  (Before I go on, I have to clarify that my ‘personal space’ was invaded because of cultural differences, the people of Botswana don’t share our concept of personal space).  I was a little irked at this point, so I tried to call home to hear a familiar voice.  Unfortunately, communication didn’t go so well this time around.  Suddenly, I found myself irritated and not feeling well, and I was thousands of miles away from all of my normal means of coping.  I couldn’t cool off, couldn’t zone out in front of the television, and couldn’t really even go outside thanks to my sunburn.  This is when the veil was lifted and I began to think about my next two years.

I realize at this point that this writing seems negative, and I mean it to sound negative.  It was my first real challenge in Botswana.  I had to begin to come to terms with the fact that my life is changing significantly.  I can’t have all of the comforts I’m used to having every time something isn’t perfect.  I realized at this point that I needed much more than idealism to make it in the Peace Corps.  Idealistic thought can’t sustain people through hard times, so it has to come with something more.  So, at this point I had to come up with more reasons for being here beyond my ‘save the world’ mentality.  Fortunately, after a discussion with an older volunteer that has been here for a few years, I came up with something.  In many ways, I’m here for the struggles.  I want to know that I can keep on moving forward when things suck.  I want to come out on the other side of this experience not only with a greater appreciation for all the things I’ve been handed in life, but I want stronger character.  I don’t think my character will improve unless I allow myself to face challenges like those faced by a PCV.  So, I’m looking at that mildly irritating day as the first of many challenges that I’ll have to find a way to overcome.

Now, I do have to clarify something.  Just because idealism can’t sustain a volunteer through service doesn’t mean that I don’t think it doesn’t have a place here.  I actually think it serves a pretty important point.  That idealism sets a bar for us.  Very few people, if any, come for the day-to-day life of living in Africa.  It’s the big moments that draw us.  For some of us, it’ll be the breakthroughs in our work with people living with HIV/AIDS.  For others, it’ll be personal moments in our travels.  Although I’m not at a site and working yet (June 7^th can’t come soon enough!), I have had some pretty awesome moments here and there.  My homestay family is awesome, and crossing over cultural and language barriers to build relationships with people is one of the most revitalizing feelings I’ve ever felt.  Despite my ever-present cynicism, I’ve been so impressed with the friendly, good-natured, and caring people I’ve gotten to know in Kanye.  The majority of the people here will help you with anything, and for no reason whatsoever other than goodness.  I would stop here to give an example, but I’ve already written a lot, and I don’t know how to choose which of the many examples I would want to talk about. 

Beyond the people, a lot of my idealism regarding my Peace Corps service surrounds the idea of getting to know myself in one of the most untouched parts of the world.  There is something so incredible about getting caught up in nature.  I feel like it appeals to something within me that I don’t quite understand.  A few nights ago, I was out a little later than usual, and I had to walk home right as the sun set.  The walk was about an hour long, and there was a thunderstorm in the distance.  As it got dark, I couldn’t help but notice that there was very little around me other than nature.  A few lights shone in the distance, but there was little more than that.  As the thunderstorm rolled in and in began to rain, I was just kind of caught up in it all.  It was one of the highly romanticized moments I had spent a year thinking about: being caught out in the middle of nowhere with little more to experience than nature itself.  The rest of the night was quite an adventure.  It started to absolutely pour, so we caught a comvi (mini-bus) to a meeting place that was about halfway back to our section of Kanye (called the Mafhikana ward).  From there, it was a mad dash to get home, despite the fact that we were all already soaked through and through.  In the end, there was little more to this story other than being caught out in the middle of nowhere and a thunderstorm.  And yet, there was so much more to it.  At this point, I’m forced to recognize the fact that there are some things that just escape any form of articulation.  I think that’s why I’m here.

30 Seconds to Mars-Alibi