Morutabana Bakang

The first couple of months as a PCV can be kind of tough.  You have to get integrated into a foreign community, all the while trying to find direction for your service.  Unfortunately, many of us are plagued by having way too much time on our hands.  Don’t get me wrong, after PST a little time to myself was welcomed.  But the appeal of time to myself quickly diminished.  After a month or so, I was confronted by a question.  Why am I here?  I think about all of the things I’m missing out on, and I’m forced to question whether it’s worth it.  And it’s hard to get up in the morning if the answer is no.  So my goal as of late has been to turn that no into a yes. 

Sadly, my work at the Xhosa clinic is not your typical Peace Corps work.  Or maybe it’s just not what someone might envision when they go through the process of joining the Peace Corps.  My role at the clinic primarily focuses on systems strengthening and information management.  In other words, the medical staff is good at practicing medicine, but bad at organization and management.  I spend a lot of my time organizing and developing policies, working on performance development plans, and making sure the patient records are properly organized, stored, etc.  Outside of that, I’m trying to help delegate different tasks to encourage sustainable growth.  This isn’t exactly the fulfilling type of work that I signed up for.  That may sound selfish, but I have to find a way to be satisfied with what I’m doing.  Unfortunately the needs of the clinic and my needs don’t quite line up.

The beauty of our roles as PCVs is that our jobs are very loosely defined.  Our primary work may be kind of structured, but we all take up secondary projects that can be anything we choose.  I’ve spent some of my spare time getting to know the staff at Xhosa Primary School.  Today I was at a meeting with the guidance counselors in which we were discussing how we might acquire textbooks and a few computers.  While I was there, I met a teacher by the name of Rosemary (she has a Tswana name, but it’s too long and difficult to pronounce for me to memorize.  Her words, not mine.)  Rosemary told me that she once worked with a PCV who helped teach her students to speak English.  Essentially, the novelty of learning from an American helped the students to engage in the material and become proficient speakers.  Long story short, I start teaching English tomorrow.

Personally, I love the philosophy behind this opportunity.  If you were to walk around my community for an hour, you would realize that an American is a true novelty here.  It can be irritating at times, like when I get hit up for money on a daily basis.  But, for whatever reason, almost everyone I pass wants to speak with me.  This is especially true once I speak to them in Setswana.  I love that I can use this novelty to my advantage and help some students learn English.  Being proficient in English can take you a long way in Botswana, and it’s typically a good indicator of someone’s level of education.  This isn’t always true, but I think there is a pretty strong correlation.  I’m hoping that this new project will help me feel a little more fulfilled in my day-to-day life.

On another note, I really miss home.  That seems like a funny thing to say, because it’s been true ever since I left.  However, the nature of it changes.  At first, I mostly missed good food and hot showers.  You get used to that.  I still miss those things, but I don’t think about it all that much.  However, I will tell you this.  If you want to know how you feel about something, go with out it for a while.  If you want to know what you’re really passionate about, separate yourself from your life (as you know it) for some time.  I can tell you that there is a short list of things that I’ll never stop missing as long as I’m here.  These are the kinds of things I think about every day: baseball, snowboarding, camping in the mountains, sitting on the beach at night, my hometown, etc.  Of course a number of people are a large part of this too.  There are certain people that I tie to anything that I’m passionate about.  The people aren’t just another aspect of my life back home that I miss, they’re part of everything that I miss.  Being away can really teach you how much you take for granted.

On the same note, I find myself taking certain things for granted here.  Sometimes I think too much about the things I miss from back home and how much I look forward to going home one day.  What I fail to do is think about what I appreciate about being in Botswana.  That list is much shorter, but it’s growing.  I’m fortunate to have a beautiful scene right outside of my house.  During the day, Mahalapye can be kind of mundane.  But at night, the stars are probably the best I’ve ever seen.  If you really sit outside and watch, you’ll see a number of shooting stars in a short amount of time.  Over the last week, I’ve taken a liking to just sitting on my back step at the end of the day and stargazing as I try to put things into perspective (can anyone guess where I’m sitting as I write this blog?)  I know it’s a cliché thing to say, but sitting under the stars really makes me feel very small.  The beautiful part about that is that it has a way of making my problems seem just as small.  And two years doesn't seem quite so long anymore...